"One other thing about dreams. I had a friend named Deutsch, whose wife was from a family of psychoanalysts in Vienna. One evening, during a long discussion about dreams, he told me that dreams have significance: there are symbols in dreams that can be interpreted psychoanalytically. I didn't believe most of this stuff, but that night I had an interesting dream: We're playing a game on a billiard table with three balls,a white ball, a green ball, and a gray ball,and the name of the game is ...titsies.
There was something about trying to get the balls into the pocket: the white ball and the green ball are easy to sink into the pocket, but the gray one, I can't get to it.
I wake up, and the dream is very easy to interpret: the name of the game gives it away, of course them's girls! The white ball was easy to figure out, because I was going out, sneakily, with a married woman who worked at the time as a cashier in a cafeteria and wore a white uniform. The green one was also easy, because I had gone out about two nights before to a drive in movie with a girl in a green dress. But the gray one what the hell was the gray one? I knew it had to be somebody ; I felt it. It's like when you're trying to remember a name, and it's on the tip of your tongue, but you can't get it.
It took me half a day before I remembered that I had said goodbye to a girl I liked very much, who had gone to Italy about two or three months before. She was a very nice girl, and I had decided that when she came back I was going to see her again. I don't know if she wore a gray suit, but it was perfectly clear, as soon as I thought of her, that she was the gray one."
....Taken from "Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman: Adventures of a Curious Character
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Thursday, June 7, 2007
Driving in India
This hilarious article was written by a Dutchman who spent two years in
India, as a visiting expert. A little long article but worth
reading it!!!
Driving in India
For the benefit of every Tom, Dick and Harry visiting India and daring to
drive on Indian roads, I am offering a few hints for survival. They are
applicable to every place in India except Bihar, where life outside a
vehicle is only marginally safer.
Indian road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma where you do
your best, and leave the results to your insurance company. The hints are as
follows: Do we drive on the left or right of the road?
The answer is "both".
Basically you start on the left of the road, unless it is occupied. In that
case, go to the right, unless that is also occupied. Then proceed by
occupying the next available gap, as in chess. Just trust your instincts,
ascertain the direction, and proceed. Adherence to road rules leads to much
misery and occasional fatality. Most drivers don't drive, but just aim their
vehicles in the generally intended direction.
Don't you get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a belief in
reincarnation; the other drivers are not in any better position. Don't stop
at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to cross the road. You
may do so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back.
Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is
moving slowly or has come to a dead stop because some minister is in town.
Still some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of
the dead.
Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We horn to
express joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare lust (two brisk
blasts),or just mobilize a dozing cow in the middle of the bazaar. Keep
informative books in the glove compartment. You may read them during traffic
jams, while awaiting the chief minister's motorcade, or waiting for the
rainwater to recede when over ground traffic meets underground
drainage.
Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO with blinking colored lights
and weird sounds emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus, full of happy
pilgrims singing bhajans. These pilgrims go at breakneck speed, seeking contact
with the Almighty, often meeting with success.
Auto Rickshaw (Baby Taxi):
The result of a collision between a rickshaw and an automobile, this
three-wheeled vehicle works on an external combustion engine that runs on a
mixture of kerosene oil and creosote. This triangular vehicle carries iron
rods, gas cylinders or passengers three times its weight and dimension, at
an unspecified fare. After careful geometric calculations, children are
folded and packed into these auto rickshaws until some children in the
periphery are not in contact with the vehicle at all. Then their school bags
are pushed into the microscopic gaps all round so those minor collisions
with other vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the
peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn Newton's laws
of motion en route to school. Auto-rickshaw drivers follow the road rules
depicted in the film Ben Hur, and are licensed to irritate.
Mopeds: The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels and makes noise like
an electric shaver. It runs 30 miles on a teaspoon of petrol and travels at
break-bottom speed. As the sides of the road are too rough for a ride, the
moped drivers tend to drive in the middle of the road; they would rather
drive under heavier vehicles instead of around them and are often "mopped"
off the tarmac.
Leaning Tower of Passes:
Most bus passengers are given free passes and during rush hours, there is
absolute mayhem. There are passengers hanging off other passengers, who in
turn hang off the railings and the overloaded bus leans dangerously, defying
laws of gravity but obeying laws of surface tension. As drivers get paid for
overload (so many Rupees per kg of passenger), no questions are ever asked.
Steer clear of these buses by a width of three
passengers.
One-way Street: These
boards are put up by traffic people to add jest in their otherwise drab
lives. Don't stick to the literal meaning and proceed in one direction. In
metaphysical terms, it means that you cannot proceed in two directions at
once. So drive as you like, in reverse throughout, if you are the fussy
type. Least I sound hypercritical, I must add a positive point also. Rash
and fast driving in residential areas has been prevented by providing a
"speed breaker"; two for each house. This mound, incidentally, covers the
water and drainage pipes for that residence and is left untarred for easy
identification by the corporation authorities, should they want to recover
the pipe for year-end
accounting.
Night driving on Indian
roads can be an exhilarating experience for those with the mental make up of
Genghis Khan. In a way, it is like playing Russian roulette, because you do
not know who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature dawn
on the horizon turns out to be a truck attempting a speed record. On
encountering it, just pull partly into the field adjoining the road until
the phenomenon passes.
Our roads do not have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not blink your
lights expecting reciprocation. The only dim thing in the truck is the driver, and
with the peg of illicit arrack (alcohol) he has had at the last stop, his total
cerebral functions add up to little more than a naught. Truck drivers are
the James Bonds of India, and are licensed to kill. Often you may encounter
a single powerful beam of light about six feet above the ground. This is not
a super motorbike, but a truck approaching you with a single light on,
usually the left one. It could be the right one, but never get too close to
investigate. You may prove your point
posthumously.
Happy driving.......
India, as a visiting expert. A little long article but worth
reading it!!!
Driving in India
For the benefit of every Tom, Dick and Harry visiting India and daring to
drive on Indian roads, I am offering a few hints for survival. They are
applicable to every place in India except Bihar, where life outside a
vehicle is only marginally safer.
Indian road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma where you do
your best, and leave the results to your insurance company. The hints are as
follows: Do we drive on the left or right of the road?
The answer is "both".
Basically you start on the left of the road, unless it is occupied. In that
case, go to the right, unless that is also occupied. Then proceed by
occupying the next available gap, as in chess. Just trust your instincts,
ascertain the direction, and proceed. Adherence to road rules leads to much
misery and occasional fatality. Most drivers don't drive, but just aim their
vehicles in the generally intended direction.
Don't you get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a belief in
reincarnation; the other drivers are not in any better position. Don't stop
at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to cross the road. You
may do so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back.
Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is
moving slowly or has come to a dead stop because some minister is in town.
Still some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of
the dead.
Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We horn to
express joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare lust (two brisk
blasts),or just mobilize a dozing cow in the middle of the bazaar. Keep
informative books in the glove compartment. You may read them during traffic
jams, while awaiting the chief minister's motorcade, or waiting for the
rainwater to recede when over ground traffic meets underground
drainage.
Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO with blinking colored lights
and weird sounds emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus, full of happy
pilgrims singing bhajans. These pilgrims go at breakneck speed, seeking contact
with the Almighty, often meeting with success.
Auto Rickshaw (Baby Taxi):
The result of a collision between a rickshaw and an automobile, this
three-wheeled vehicle works on an external combustion engine that runs on a
mixture of kerosene oil and creosote. This triangular vehicle carries iron
rods, gas cylinders or passengers three times its weight and dimension, at
an unspecified fare. After careful geometric calculations, children are
folded and packed into these auto rickshaws until some children in the
periphery are not in contact with the vehicle at all. Then their school bags
are pushed into the microscopic gaps all round so those minor collisions
with other vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the
peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn Newton's laws
of motion en route to school. Auto-rickshaw drivers follow the road rules
depicted in the film Ben Hur, and are licensed to irritate.
Mopeds: The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels and makes noise like
an electric shaver. It runs 30 miles on a teaspoon of petrol and travels at
break-bottom speed. As the sides of the road are too rough for a ride, the
moped drivers tend to drive in the middle of the road; they would rather
drive under heavier vehicles instead of around them and are often "mopped"
off the tarmac.
Leaning Tower of Passes:
Most bus passengers are given free passes and during rush hours, there is
absolute mayhem. There are passengers hanging off other passengers, who in
turn hang off the railings and the overloaded bus leans dangerously, defying
laws of gravity but obeying laws of surface tension. As drivers get paid for
overload (so many Rupees per kg of passenger), no questions are ever asked.
Steer clear of these buses by a width of three
passengers.
One-way Street: These
boards are put up by traffic people to add jest in their otherwise drab
lives. Don't stick to the literal meaning and proceed in one direction. In
metaphysical terms, it means that you cannot proceed in two directions at
once. So drive as you like, in reverse throughout, if you are the fussy
type. Least I sound hypercritical, I must add a positive point also. Rash
and fast driving in residential areas has been prevented by providing a
"speed breaker"; two for each house. This mound, incidentally, covers the
water and drainage pipes for that residence and is left untarred for easy
identification by the corporation authorities, should they want to recover
the pipe for year-end
accounting.
Night driving on Indian
roads can be an exhilarating experience for those with the mental make up of
Genghis Khan. In a way, it is like playing Russian roulette, because you do
not know who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature dawn
on the horizon turns out to be a truck attempting a speed record. On
encountering it, just pull partly into the field adjoining the road until
the phenomenon passes.
Our roads do not have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not blink your
lights expecting reciprocation. The only dim thing in the truck is the driver, and
with the peg of illicit arrack (alcohol) he has had at the last stop, his total
cerebral functions add up to little more than a naught. Truck drivers are
the James Bonds of India, and are licensed to kill. Often you may encounter
a single powerful beam of light about six feet above the ground. This is not
a super motorbike, but a truck approaching you with a single light on,
usually the left one. It could be the right one, but never get too close to
investigate. You may prove your point
posthumously.
Happy driving.......
Women vs Beer
Most men like women. But, most men like beer too ! So, for men
it becomes a rather confusing choice between women and beer !
Following is a debate, developed by the University of Mumbai , in
India.... to help you analyze which is better ! Here is the debate
.......
A Beer is always wet, a woman is not !
1 point for beer !
Beer is horrible, when it is hot !
1 point for women !
A cold beer, satisfies you !
1 point for beer !
If you come back home smelling beer, your wife can get angry at you.
If you come back home smelling women, your wife will get angry for
sure and she might even not talk to you again !
Draw ! ( Depends on your point of view ... )
10 beers in a night and then you can't drive. 10 women in one night
and you don't have to drive anywhere !
1 point for women !
The older, The beer is - the better, it is !
1 point for beer !
Many beers can make you see UFO's. Many women can make you see God !
1 point for women !
If you ask yourself how the next woman will be, you are normal. If
you ask yourself how the next beer will be, you are an alcoholic !
1 point for women !
For a beer, you pay taxes !
1 point for women !
If you take a second beer, the first one doesn't get angry !
1 point for beer !
You can always be sure that, you are the first one " Opening " a beer !
1 point for beer !
If you shake a beer, after a while it calms down by itself !
1 point for beer !
You know exactly how much a beer costs !
1 point for beer !
A beer does not have a mother !
1 point for beer !
You can do it if you want, but beer won't ask you to hug her for half
an hour after !
1 point for beer !
So the Score is .......... Beer beats women - 9 to 6 !
If you are a woman reading this and getting angry ........ know that a
beer would never get angry ! So .......... Another point for
beer !
Now the final score is .......... Beer beats women - 10 to 6 !
it becomes a rather confusing choice between women and beer !
Following is a debate, developed by the University of Mumbai , in
India.... to help you analyze which is better ! Here is the debate
.......
A Beer is always wet, a woman is not !
1 point for beer !
Beer is horrible, when it is hot !
1 point for women !
A cold beer, satisfies you !
1 point for beer !
If you come back home smelling beer, your wife can get angry at you.
If you come back home smelling women, your wife will get angry for
sure and she might even not talk to you again !
Draw ! ( Depends on your point of view ... )
10 beers in a night and then you can't drive. 10 women in one night
and you don't have to drive anywhere !
1 point for women !
The older, The beer is - the better, it is !
1 point for beer !
Many beers can make you see UFO's. Many women can make you see God !
1 point for women !
If you ask yourself how the next woman will be, you are normal. If
you ask yourself how the next beer will be, you are an alcoholic !
1 point for women !
For a beer, you pay taxes !
1 point for women !
If you take a second beer, the first one doesn't get angry !
1 point for beer !
You can always be sure that, you are the first one " Opening " a beer !
1 point for beer !
If you shake a beer, after a while it calms down by itself !
1 point for beer !
You know exactly how much a beer costs !
1 point for beer !
A beer does not have a mother !
1 point for beer !
You can do it if you want, but beer won't ask you to hug her for half
an hour after !
1 point for beer !
So the Score is .......... Beer beats women - 9 to 6 !
If you are a woman reading this and getting angry ........ know that a
beer would never get angry ! So .......... Another point for
beer !
Now the final score is .......... Beer beats women - 10 to 6 !
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
KINDERGARTEN BOY
To get to the other side.
PLATO
For the greater good.
ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
KARL MARX
It was a historical inevitability.
TIMOTHY LEARY
Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.
SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
HIPPOCRATES
Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
MOSES
And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
RICHARD M. NIXON
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
MACHIAVELLI
The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
BILL GATES
The newly released Chicken 2003, will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.
DARWIN
Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.
EINSTEIN
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference and relativity.
GEORGE BUSH
We are committed to establishing a democracy where chickens freely cross roads without oppression from terrorist organizations.
Azharuddin
I am totally innocent, you know, I'm unnecessarily being dragged into this, you know, because I'm from the minority..... I neither know the chicken nor the road, you know....
George Fernandes
I am deeply hurt that this question is being asked after my 40 clean years of public life. I don't own a house, or a car, leave alone a chicken !!!
Mulayam
I demand a 50% reservation of the road for the chicken class, so that they can cross the road freely without their motives being questioned
ARJUN SINGH
Our policy will ensure the development of socially underprivileged chickens so that they can also cross roads.
Abdul Kalam
Yes, why did the chickens cross the road? .. please tell me why? .. they crossed to go to the other side of the road... now repeat after me ....
Advani
I see Pakistani hand in this ....
Vatal Nagaraj
No Tamil or outside chickens will be allowed to cross our roads, our roads are meant only for Kanadiga chickens!.
Bal Thackarey
Chickens crossing the roads is against our culture, my followers will stone all such chickens which cross the road.
Jayalalithaa
From reliable sources I've got the information that the chicken belongs to Karunanidhi. He is making his chicken cross the road to create law & order problems. The chicken has now been imprisoned under POTA.
Amitabh Bachhan
The chicken has crossed the road?.. are you sure.. very sure ... really sure...
Venkaiah Naidu
"We are very sure of the fact that the chicken did not cross the road. It's a conspiracy by the congress. The poor chicken has been made a scapegoat in this whole issue"
H.S.Surjeet
We are adopting a wait and watch policy. We have convened a meeting of the third front today. We will decide the future course of action after the chicken comes back..
Maneka Gandhi
Chicken crossed the road alone...!! If a vehicle had passed over it, we would have lost one of our dearest creatures. Ban all vehicles from using the road. Protect our chickens...
Salman Khan
I ran over the chicken (Hic!). It was not intentional ...... It was accidental (Hic!)... ... you're now asking this question to me only because I'm a celebrity(Hic!
KINDERGARTEN BOY
To get to the other side.
PLATO
For the greater good.
ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
KARL MARX
It was a historical inevitability.
TIMOTHY LEARY
Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.
SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
HIPPOCRATES
Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
MOSES
And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
RICHARD M. NIXON
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
MACHIAVELLI
The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
BILL GATES
The newly released Chicken 2003, will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.
DARWIN
Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.
EINSTEIN
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference and relativity.
GEORGE BUSH
We are committed to establishing a democracy where chickens freely cross roads without oppression from terrorist organizations.
Azharuddin
I am totally innocent, you know, I'm unnecessarily being dragged into this, you know, because I'm from the minority..... I neither know the chicken nor the road, you know....
George Fernandes
I am deeply hurt that this question is being asked after my 40 clean years of public life. I don't own a house, or a car, leave alone a chicken !!!
Mulayam
I demand a 50% reservation of the road for the chicken class, so that they can cross the road freely without their motives being questioned
ARJUN SINGH
Our policy will ensure the development of socially underprivileged chickens so that they can also cross roads.
Abdul Kalam
Yes, why did the chickens cross the road? .. please tell me why? .. they crossed to go to the other side of the road... now repeat after me ....
Advani
I see Pakistani hand in this ....
Vatal Nagaraj
No Tamil or outside chickens will be allowed to cross our roads, our roads are meant only for Kanadiga chickens!.
Bal Thackarey
Chickens crossing the roads is against our culture, my followers will stone all such chickens which cross the road.
Jayalalithaa
From reliable sources I've got the information that the chicken belongs to Karunanidhi. He is making his chicken cross the road to create law & order problems. The chicken has now been imprisoned under POTA.
Amitabh Bachhan
The chicken has crossed the road?.. are you sure.. very sure ... really sure...
Venkaiah Naidu
"We are very sure of the fact that the chicken did not cross the road. It's a conspiracy by the congress. The poor chicken has been made a scapegoat in this whole issue"
H.S.Surjeet
We are adopting a wait and watch policy. We have convened a meeting of the third front today. We will decide the future course of action after the chicken comes back..
Maneka Gandhi
Chicken crossed the road alone...!! If a vehicle had passed over it, we would have lost one of our dearest creatures. Ban all vehicles from using the road. Protect our chickens...
Salman Khan
I ran over the chicken (Hic!). It was not intentional ...... It was accidental (Hic!)... ... you're now asking this question to me only because I'm a celebrity(Hic!
What's success?
An American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.
The Mexican replied, "Only a little while."
"You're such an excellent fisherman," said the American. "Why don't you stay out longer and catch more fish?"
The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs.
The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?
The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take a siesta with my wife, and stroll into the village each evening, where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life, senor."
The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA, and could help you. If you spent more time fishing, you could buy a bigger boat. Then you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman, you could sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then L.A., and eventually New York City, where you would run your expanding enterprise."
The Mexican fisherman asked, "But senor, how long will this all take?"
To which the American replied, "15 to 20 years."
"But what then, senor?"
The American laughed and said, "That's the best part. When the time was right, you would announce a public offering, sell your company stock to the public, and become very rich. You would make millions."
"Millions, senor? Then what?"
The American said, "Then you could retire. You know, move to a small coastal fishing village -- where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siestas with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."
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